Husband wants to leave me. We have a one -year -old child. The husband says that I do not show interest in him, I do not try to excite him. I get tired with my daughter, she sleeps badly at night. In parallel, I study and try to work at home, as they wanted to buy an apartment. My husband does not help me in any way, does only his work. I love him very much and I want to save our marriage. What should I do? Now he says that he does not want anything from me and does not expect.
After the birth of a child, a crisis period often occurs in a marriage: thoughts and attention of the wife are directed to the child, the husband in this situation feels deprived, abandoned. Mother includes the child’s world completely from the first days of his life, and even earlier. The father often at this stage does not deal with a child, he does not know how and what to do, it is difficult for him to understand the needs of the baby. Sometimes it makes him feel incompetent. It is as if he is expelled from family life: mom looks at the child with love, the child looks at his mother with love, and dad seems to look at all this from the side and feels his separation.
You need to understand that this is a crisis normative for the family, and there is no reason not to overcome it if you want to stay together. You have taken on so many worries at once that you feel yourself out of force, tortured and deprived of your husband’s support, instead of which you get some demands, as if to remain desired for him is another concern, like study and work. You could try to determine the values for yourself at the moment and try to build your life so that it does not knock out all your strength out of you in order to enjoy and motherhood, marriage and what you want to do.
There is usually a balance in the family: when one takes too much, the other family members easily relax and give him all
responsibility. Isn’t it like your situation? If so, you could look for the opportunity to take off some of the worries and give your husband a chance to take them upon yourself. Often, when we say “he does not help me”, we do not see how we ourselves do not let ourselves help. Ask yourself questions how it happened that your husband does not help you with your daughter. Was it such that his attempts were regarded by you (or your parents), as inept? Do you have the feeling that only you know how best for your daughter, and he needs to explain everything? Understand for yourself in this.
You can really be not only a mother (caring, receiving), but also a wife (seductive, loving). However, for this, your husband needs to become not only a husband, but also a dad. You could try to discuss this issue with him, give him the opportunity to show his own qualities of his father: a caring, spending time with his daughter, protecting and helping the family. But for this, he should have a «space for maneuver». While you are doing everything, this space can be few.